


Alex and the Three Ghosts

by myblackbox



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Inspired by A Christmas Carol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 01:45:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13225575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myblackbox/pseuds/myblackbox
Summary: A Christmas Tale: Four nighttime visitors take Alex on a journey of self discovery but will it be enough to convince Alex to change her life?





	Alex and the Three Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year or whenever you are reading this. I intended this to be out before Christmas but life happened. But, lucky you, you are getting it in all one lump rather than spread over several chapters as my penance. 
> 
> What started as a cracky romp in my head, turned into a very angsty character study. Not much fluff here, so if you were looking for Christmas fluff you may want to look elsewhere. However, there is a little fluff and a few laughs, with a heavy dose of drama. 
> 
> This story takes place mid-season 3 after the Alex/Maggie breakup, assuming that the crossovers haven't happened and the whole Sam becoming Reign hasn't happened. 
> 
> Rating for language.

**Part 1**

Alex held her phone staring at the icon that indicated new unread texts while a tinny ‘Jingle Bell Rock’ droned on in the background.  “Closing in five minutes,” the bartender said.

Alex clicked off her screen and looked up at him.  “One more,” she said lifting up her empty shot glass.

The bartender wiped his hands dry on a towel and leaned against the bar.  “It’s Christmas Eve, lady. I know it can be hard, but I’m sure, somewhere out there, there are people missing you.”

Alex shook her head and reached into her pocket . “Nobody’s missing me.” She pulled out a twenty, and slid it across the bar toward him.

“That ain’t going to work again, sorry. Girlfriend is going to kill me as it is. I’m already late.” The bartender raised his chin and indicated towards the front of the bar.  “I ordered you an Uber ten minutes ago. It just pulled up.”

Alex turned to see headlights through dirty windows. Glowering, she lifted the empty glass in a mock toast to the bartender and then put the glass to her lips and drank the last few drops. She forcefully put the glass upside down on the wooden bar top and slid off her stool.  

 “Have a Merry Christmas,” the bartender called after her, “or whatever you celebrate,” he added in a mumble.

Alex didn’t acknowledge him as she pushed her way out of the empty bar into the cold night. 

***

It took her several tries before she was able to open all the locks on her apartment door and stumble in.  She slid out of her jacket and headed towards the kitchen where she poured herself a glass of water and downed it. Filling the glass a second time she walked across her studio apartment and put it on her bedside table accompanied by her phone and a bottle of Advil. After a stop at the bathroom, she didn’t bother pulling up her pants but kicked them off.  Looking for a second at her closet, she decided she didn’t care about taking off her shirt or bra and she fell into bed.

 Before closing her eyes she reached for her phone and, focusing, she swiped open her phone screen once more.  Five texts from Kara, two from Winn, and a new one from Maggie.  She scrolled through Kara’s, replying to Kara that she was safe, that she didn’t feel well, and was going to bed. She ignored Winn’s.  She hovered her thumb over the new one from Maggie, there were seven unread texts from her now, but instead of opening the thread, she put the phone down and closed her eyes.

***

A tremendous shrill crashing of glass woke Alex with a start.  Cold air rushed into the room and she saw a figure silhouetted against the city lights standing in the wreckage of her shattered sliding glass door.  Alex lunged for the gun that usually sat on her nightstand, but instead of finding the gun, she knocked over the glass of water and it went crashing to the floor.  “Shit,” Alex cursed, frantically pulling out her bed stand drawer and fumbling for the knife there.   Finally gaining purchase on a weapon she yelled, “Whoever you are, I’m armed!  You have three seconds to get the hell out of here!” 

Alex heard her name spoken by the shadowy figure across the room.  “Alexandra.”  She knew that voice, but it couldn’t be!  “Alexandra,” the figure said again, stepping towards her.

Alex scrambled to her knees and held her knife at the ready. “I don’t know who you are, but Supergirl’s going to be here any second, so if you value your freedom you better get out of here.”

“You have nothing to fear from me.”  The figure took several steps forward to where Alex could make out her features.

Alex’s hand started to tremble.  “It can’t be!  I… I…”

“You killed me?”

Alex regripped the knife.   “Astra,” she breathed.

“In the flesh.” Then she looked down at her hands turning them palm up and then palm down, “Well, maybe not exactly in the flesh, not literally.”

“But you’re… you’re dead.  I had a Kryptonite sword and I… I…   I saw you lying there.” 

Astra made her way across the room, almost to Alex’s bed. “You gave me a warrior’s death.  You gave me that small honor.”

“Kara she… she sent your body into the sun.”

“Ah, yes.  My darling niece. Thank her for that, will you?  It may not have been Rao but it was a nice gesture.”

Alex looked frantically around. “This has to be some sort of trick.  A hallucination.” Alex shook her head as if it would shake something that was askew back into place.

Astra took several steps closer until she stood at the foot of Alex’s bed.  She held out her palms. “I assure you, I am no hallucination.”

Seeing an opportunity, Alex lunged.   Knife raised, she threw herself forward toward Astra, but instead of impacting her, she fell right through her intended target and went tumbling to the floor.

“Tsk, tsk, Alexandra. And I thought we were having a pleasant conversation.” Astra turned and looked down at where Alex lay sprawled out on the floor. “I expected more from you. Even when I was alive you know that course of action would have proved ineffective.”

Alex looked up from where she had landed.  “What are you?”

“I’m sure your human mind could not comprehend the reality, so let us just say that I am a ghost.”

Alex shook her head. “See, that’s a problem because I don’t believe in ghosts.”

“And yet, here I am. You’re a scientist. Surely you cannot argue with the evidence that is right before your eyes.”

 “You could be the side effect of mind control or some alien influence.”

Astra put her hands on her hips but said nothing.

“…or alcohol.”  Defeated, Alex dropped her knife and rubbed at her face.  “I don’t know what to believe.”

“You don’t have to believe. You just have to listen.”

Alex raised her hand as if to block the words.  “Oh, no. I don’t have to listen to you. I don’t have to believe anything you have to say.”

Astra’s voice became a little kinder. “Alexandra Danvers,” she began. “We were not friends in life but I do consider you family. And for a short time, I do believe there could have been something more between us.”

Alex raised her eyebrows at that but Astra just continued, “I have been sent here to deliver a message.”

“Oh, here it comes,” Alex mumbled to herself. Steeling herself she said, “Okay, I’m listening.”

“Alexandra Danvers, I am here to warn you.”

“Warn me?  Warn me about what?”

“You are not destined to live angry and loveless as I did.  You do not need to close your heart from all who care for you to protect it from ever being hurt again. You do not need to hide from the world and destroy yourself in the process.”

Alex opened her mouth to protest but Astra silenced her with tilt of her head.

“You yet have a chance and for this reason I have been sent to you.   Tonight you will be haunted by three ghosts. “

Alex rubbed her neck. “More like you?  No thanks.” And then looking at the glass all over her living room floor she added, “I can’t afford it.”

Astra’s expression turned grim. “Without these visits you may be doomed to walk the same path I trod.”

Alex’s muscles tightened. “I’d never be like you.”

Astra crouched and looked Alex right in the eyes. Alex felt as if she was looking into her very soul.

“Oh, Alexandra.  You already are.  In so many ways, you already are.”

Astra reached out as if to touch Alex’s face but Alex flinched away.  Astra withdrew her hand and stood again.  When she spoke her voice was colder. “Expect the first ghost at the strike of one.”

“The first ghost? Can’t I just take them all on at once?  Three on one. I’ll take those odds.”

Astra continued as if Alex had not spoken. “Expect the second at the strike of two.”

“And I guess I’ll get the third one at the strike of three?” Alex asked.

Astra inclined her head.

“One problem with this haunting plan,” Alex snarked, “I only own digital clocks.”

Astra ignored the comment and walked past her toward the broken window.  “Remember what I said Alexandra,” she said over her shoulder. “Expect the first ghost at the strike of one.”   Just as she reached the window she stopped and said.  “This may be your only chance,” and then she disappeared.

Alex scrambled to her feet.  The glass was gone.  She rushed to the balcony door, pushing aside the curtains she put her palms on the cool glass.  The glass was intact. A thorough search of her apartment proved it was empty.  She returned to her bedside and saw the water glass shattered on the floor.   Should she call the DEO?  Call Kara?  What would she tell them?  What actually happened here?

She rubbed her temples. It must have been a bad dream.  Too much alcohol, a broken glass, and a bad dream. She’d been under a lot of stress. Hallucinations were not unheard of in high stress situations. Deciding to leave the broken glass until the morning, she fell into bed, promising herself that she would never drink again. 

Eventually she relaxed. She was nearly asleep when she heard a deep reverberating chime.

 

**Part 2**

When Alex was awakened by a loud chime she scrabbled for her phone out of instinct.  While looking at the dark screen and wondering what had awakened her, she noticed her room starting to fill with blue light.  At first she thought it might be one of Barry’s portals, but this was much softer.  The blue light grew brighter and brighter until it became blinding. Alex held her hand up in front of her eyes and then had to turn away as the light became white bright. And then the light was gone as quickly as it had come.

As Alex’s eyes adjusted back to the darkness, she saw a small figure standing at the foot of her bed.  Squinting, she made out the face of Ruby, Samantha’s daughter.

Alex jumped out of bed and took the girl in her arms.  “Ruby? Ruby, honey? Are you okay? 

The girl smiled at Alex and hugged her back.  “Don’t worry, Alex.  Everything will be fine.”

Alex looked over to the door, the dead bolt was still locked.  She pulled back from the embrace and held Ruby at arm’s length. “Is your mom here?  How did you get into my apartment?”

“Oh, silly Alex. You knew I was coming.”

“Ruby, I haven’t talked to you or your mom since the Christmas party last week.”

 “We’ve never spoken,” said the girl. “And I’m not Ruby.  I’m the ghost of Christmas past.”

Alex released the child and stumbled back.  “That’s not funny, Ruby.  Where’s your mom?  Is she hiding around here somewhere? Is Kara and Lena with her too? Some sort of Christmas prank?”

The child looked at Alex, her face happy and peaceful. She brought up her hands, bending them at the elbows, as she did the room filled with cool blue light. She opened her palms and it started to gently snow.  Alex sat down heavily on the edge of her bed, afraid she would collapse. 

Pointing at the girl Alex stammered, “What… what are you?”

The child tilted her head and smiled.  “Like I said Alex, I am the ghost of Christmas past.   Astra told you I was coming.”

“What? Why?”

The ghost laughed, her childlike voice tinkling in the silent room. “I am here for you, Alex. To save you.”   The girl reached out her hand to Alex.   “My time is short.  We have to get going.”

“If you think I’m going with you… some sort of hallucination… or alien…” Alex began to say, but as she spoke the dark room seemed to  fall away, and now below her feet, instead of carpet, was a snow covered forest, and above her head instead of a ceiling, stars.   In a panic, Alex reached out for the offered hand.  Now she was flying in the dark sky, her hair and face being lightly showered with cool snowflakes, her hand being held by a much smaller one as she and the ghost flew into the night.

They landed in back of a house Alex knew very well. She wouldn’t even have needed to see it, she would know this place by the sound of the waves and the smell of salt in the air; she was home.    Alex looked up at the white wooden porch that overlooked the sea and remembered so many good times there.

 “This is where my mom lives,” Alex said. “How did you know how to get here?”

The ghost smiled at her.  “I told you Alex, I’m the ghost of Christmas past.”

“You keep saying that like it should mean something.  Why are we here?”

“Because this is where you were, silly.”  The ghost offered her hand again and this time Alex took it. As soon as their fingers touched they began to levitate into the night sky and onto the porch.  From there they flew right through the back door landing in the kitchen of the house. 

“How… how did we do that? We just moved right through the door like it wasn’t even there.”

“Don’t worry, Alex; these are merely shadows of the past.”

Alex looked over the kitchen she knew so well, but instead of stainless steel, the refrigerator was white, and instead of the black counter height table her mom bought a few years ago, there was the round oak table she remembered from her childhood. 

Alex turned to the ghost.  “Is this some sort of alternate dimension? The ones Kara told me about.”

The ghost smiled, “No silly, I’ve been telling you, this is Christmas past.”

Just then an angry looking teenager pushed her way through the door, followed quickly by a young Eliza Danvers.

Alex’s mouth fell open.  She walked around the teenager who had thrown herself into one of the kitchen chairs quite dramaticly.  Her medium length brown hair was in a pony tail, and her old favorite denim jacket was pushed up to the elbows. Pointing she said, “That’s… that’s me!”   And then walking around the woman who had taken the seat opposite her younger self,  “And that’s my mom.  But she’s so young.  My God… was she really that young?”

“Alexandra Danvers,”   Eliza began in a quiet but stern voice, “I will NOT let your bad attitude ruin Christmas for the rest of us.”

The young Alex rolled her eyes.  “Whatever.”

“No.  Not ‘whatever’ missy.   You will sit here and think about your behavior and then you will go out there, to our guests, and you will be pleasant and friendly to all of them, especially Kara.”

“No I won’t. Maybe you are good at pretending, but I’m not!”

 “Alex!”

“No, it’s true.  You can put up the tree and you can invite a hundred people over and you can sing Fa La La.”

Eliza voice was lowered but what lost in volume it made up for in intensity.  “I’ve endured your bad attitude and moodiness for months because I know you’ve been hurting.  And I get that.  And all I’m asking from you is one night of peace. Is that too much to ask?”

“I don’t think you do _get_ it!”

Exasperated Eliza leaned back in her chair.  “Then explain it to me.”

“I can explain it with three fingers.”  Young Alex put up her fingers and put them down as she ticked off her complaints. “Dad is still dead, Kara is still here, and my life still sucks!”

Eliza shook her head and pursed her lips.  “That’s not fair Alex.  I know you’re grieving but I’m grieving too and I’m doing my best here.”

Alex crossed her arms. “My life was perfectly fine until you brought that freak into this house, and now dad is dead and I’m expected play the good big sister and to just suck-it-up like nothing happened.”

Eliza’s voice took on a new level of menace. “I will not have you talk about your adopted sister in that way.  While you’ve been angry and absent, she has been nothing but helpful.”

“Well good for her.  Perfect Kara,” Alex said sarcastically.

Eliza leaned forward.  “Listen.  I know you lost a father but I think you’re forgetting that I lost my partner.  He was my best friend and the love of my life.”   A single tear ran down Eliza’s face and young Alex’s posture began to sag.  “Don’t you understand? You are the only piece of him I have left but you have been hurting me every day since.”

Older Alex, standing by the ghost, felt the immense shame of the moment.  She felt it then but she felt it now more acutely.  She stepped closer to her mother until she was standing directly in front of her. “I should have gone to her.  I should have hugged her and begged her forgiveness.” 

Eliza continued.  “Do you think you can put your hurt aside for one day?  If you can’t be happy, can you at least pretend to be happy, for me?”

Young Alex did not meet her mother’s eye, but she was visibly deflated.   “I’ll try,” she mumbled.

Eliza reached under the table and put her hand on young Alex’s knee.   “Thank you sweetheart.”

Alex did not move from where she stood as she watched her younger self yank open the door and stomp back into the party.  She turned back to see Eliza put her head down on the table, he shoulders shaking. “It’s time to go,” the ghost said slipping her hand into Alex’s.

***

Alex and the ghost were once again flying high, dark shadows of houses below.  Alex thought for a second how she should be cold, here, flying in a winter sky, but she wasn’t.    Soon they began to descend quite quickly towards the rooftops. Alex tensed as they were about to crash into one, but instead of hitting the shingles they moved right through the tiles and into a bedroom. 

Alex looked around the room, took in the _All American Rejects_ poster on the wall and the aqua blue futon covered with books and papers and knew exactly whos room they were in and her heart sunk.  Two teenage girls lay in a bed side-by side, both staring at the ceiling but Alex didn’t need to see their faces to know who they were.  This was Vicky Donahue’s house.

“I’m really glad your mom let you stay over for Christmas,” said Vicky.

“Yeah, I think after everything that happened, you know, she knew not to force me into any awkward family gatherings.” It was Alex’s younger self.  A few years older than before, her voice lower, but still just a kid.

“Well, I’m glad she did,” answered Vicky. “Did you have a good time?”

“It was fun. I loved the “Pin the carrot on the snowman” game,” Alex said giggling.

“I noticed!” Vicky said bumping Alex’s shoulder with hers. “You laughed your ass off when Emma put the carrot you-know-where.” 

“I did not.”

“You totally did.”

“Was it that obvious?”

Vicky shrugged. “Only to me.”

“Snowman games aside,” Alex continued “I loved your brother and sister’s reaction when that Santa knocked on the door. They were so excited.”

“He’s just our neighbor. Comes by every year.”

“They were still being cute.”

 “You just think it’s cute because you aren’t used to having younger siblings around.”

“I have Kara,” Alex corrected.

“Yeah, but Kara is only, like, a year or two younger than you.  Not the same thing.”

“Well, I thought it was fun.”

“Well I didn’t mind that mom and dad sent us to bed.  I’m glad to have some peace and quiet.”

“Me too,” Alex agreed.  There was a lull in the conversation, the kind older Alex always remembered as comfortable between her and Vicky.  Finally teenage Alex said, “Your family is really nice.”

“My family is really boring, but it was a lot more fun with you here.” Vicky sighed and then rolled to her side and laid a hand across young Alex’s stomach.   “It’s hard to believe its Christmas. And then another week and it’s New Years.   I’ll be glad for that.”

“It’s been a pretty crappy few months,” Alex agreed.

“Months? Try year.”

 “Yeah?”

Vicky continued, “First that thing with your friend, Kenny, and then that whole crap-fest with Josh.  It’s just been a real shit-show all around.”

“When you put it that way, it has been a pretty shitty year,” Alex laughed darkly.

“I told you. But one good thing has happened this year.”

Alex turned to face her. “What?”

“We became better friends.”

Alex smiled.  “We did.”

“Alex, when I went through that stuff with Josh, I don’t think you know what it meant to me that you were there.”

“I’m glad I was.” Alex’s hand started to move up and down Vicky’s arm. 

Vicky pulled Alex in closer. “You’re my best friend, ya know?”

“You’re mine, too.”

“Thanks for sticking by me, I know when you first said Josh was cheating, I was a real bitch about it.”

Alex waved her off. “Pshhh, no big deal.”

“He was a real asshole.”

“I told you.”

Vicky sighed. “You were right. Thank you for being honest with me.”

Alex rolled over to her side, and now they were in the bed face-to-face. “You’re welcome.  And thank you for not making a big deal about my friendship with Kenny, and for going to his wake with me.”

“Of course,” Vicky said.

“And for not making fun of me when I got upset,” Alex added.

Vicky reached up and brushed back Alex’s hair from her forehead.  “I would never.”

“You would never,” young Alex agreed, looking into Vicky’s eyes.  

There was a moment between them, when Vicky kept brushing back Alex’s hair and Alex’s hand rested on Vicky’s waist. Time seemed to slow and there was only breath between them.   Vicky moved her face in, just a bit, and so did Alex, for a second, and then Alex flinched back. “I’m pretty tired. I think we should go to bed now.”   Alex rolled over and turned her back to Vicky.   

Vicky looked confused.  “Oh, okay.  Night Alex.”                                                                                   

“Night Vic,” Alex answered. 

Vicky rolled over, her back to Alex’s, and it was then that older Alex saw Vicky’s face for the very first time.  She had had no idea then, but now seeing it, in retrospect, it was all so clear.  Meanwhile, Young Alex’s breathing had slowed and she looked like she had gone right off to sleep, but grown Alex knew better.  She knew that young Alex would lay awake long into the night, staring at the wall long after hearing Vicky’s snores.

Grown Alex felt a small hand slip into hers. She looked down and the ghost smiled up at her.  “Time to go.”

***

They landed in the middle of a noisy dance floor.  Red and green lights flashed to the beat of bass driven music.  Gaudy metallic tinsel was strewn across the walls and the air was thick with the smell of marijuana and sweat.   It only took a few minutes for Alex to recognize her younger self out on the dance floor, grinding with a handsome Asian man wearing a Santa hat.  Present day Alex wasn’t surprised, her young adult self never suffered from lack of willing partners.

After the dance, the younger Alex extracted herself and went to the bar. She sat on the stool and motioned to the bartender who quickly poured and slid a drink over to her.  Alex put some bills down on the bar and picked up the drink, gulping it down.     

Another man soon approached and sat on the stool next to Alex.  They started a conversation that older Alex couldn’t hear over the music, but she didn’t need to know what they were saying to know what was going on.   She remembered too well what these nights felt like, the stream of handsome faces that all blended into each other, the pulsing music, and the endless alcohol that made her numb. 

Younger Alex must have gotten a phone call because she was now waving off the man and pulling a silver flip-phone from her clutch.  Alex followed her younger self through a door into a hallway and then through a bathroom door.  There in the washroom, the younger Alex opened her phone and answered.

 “Hi Mom.  Merry Christmas.”  Older Alex couldn’t hear what Eliza was saying on her end.  “Yeah, I know.  Sorry about that…   No I’m fine.  Studying…  No, the people next door are having a party or something… Yeah, yeah just trying to get ahead for next semester…   Well, the classes are getting really hard now…   yes, even on Christmas….”  Younger Alex leaned heavily against the counter.  “Yeah, I talked to her yesterday…   I will…   I will…   Yeah, I promise… “   Just then someone in one of the stalls flushed the toilet and Alex clumsily covered the receiver.  “I’ve got to go mom someone’s at the door…  Love you too, Have a Merry Christmas… Yeah…  Bye.”

Younger Alex tucked away her phone and looked at herself in the mirror.  She pulled a tissue from her bag and wiped away the mascara that had pooled under her eyes.  Then she pulled out some lip stick and smoothed the red over her lips and then puckered.  She examined herself once again in the mirror with a deep frown on her face.  Then she straightened up, pulled back her shoulders, and smiled.  It was with that same smile she zipped her clutch, pushed open the bathroom door and headed down the hallway back to the dance floor.  

This time, older Alex didn’t follow, but turned back to the ghost who was standing quietly behind her.  “This isn’t me anymore,” Alex said.  “None of this. I’ve come a long way since then. I’ve grown up.”

“It’s not for me to say,” replied the ghost.  “I’m only here to show you the shadows of the past.”

Alex raised her finger.  “No.  No.  You are trying to paint a picture of me that just isn’t true.  Yeah, some of my Christmases were hard. I made mistakes. That’s life.”

The ghost looked up at her, a sadness in her eyes that Alex hadn’t seen before. “You say that you’ve changed.  But if we were to visit the Christmas Eve that you’ve just experienced, the one that just happened, would we find it to be much different than these?”

Alex opened her mouth to protest but the words got stuck in her throat.

The ghost offered up her hand.  “It’s time to go.”

They were flying again, the city below and bright stars up above.  As they flew over, warmly lit windows hinted at people celebrating together.  Alex suddenly envied them. She envied all of them.  They approached a darkened balcony, flew through the glass doors, and landed in Alex’s apartment.  

The ghost said no more, but with a smile and a nod, a bright light grew around her and then she was gone. Alex fell to her knees and covered her face with her hands. Minutes passed and then she heard two loud chimes.

 

**Part 3**

“Merry Christmas!” a loud voice echoed around the room.

Alex lifted her head and looked around her.

“Come now, you don’t have to kneel.”  Alex looked up to see a tall lean man with dark hair, looking ridiculous, dressed in a Santa suit complete with furry red hat.   “I’m just a ghost. And I said, Merry Christmas!!” 

Alex staggered to her feet. Pointing she said, “You’re, You’re, Mxi… Mxyzl… Mxyzpatix?   It’s you!  You’re the one behind all this!  This explains everything!”

The man laughed a full bellied Santa laugh.   “No, Alex. I’m the Ghost of Christmas Present.”

“So…You’re not Mr. Mxyz…whatever the hell his name was,” Alex waved her hands in the air, “Magic imp of the multi-dimensions?”

The man crinkled his nose “Um… no.”

“Oh, thank God!” Alex’s shoulders relaxed.  “This is one instance I would prefer ghosts.”

The man laughed again and said, “What we need is some Christmas cheer,” and with a wave of his hand garland and wreaths appeared on the walls, a fire blazed in the fireplace,  and a large tree appeared in the center of the room with piles of packages beneath.  “And lights!”  The tree glowed with a thousand warm lights and lights appeared hung around the walls and across every surface.  “And music!”  A jazz trio materialized in the corner playing a very festive ‘Deck the Halls.’ “And Food!” Alex’s table filled with platters and bowls full of Christmas delights.

Alex squinted her eyes and looked back to the man. ‘Are you sure you’re not Mxyzptlk?’ 

He winked at her.  “Positive.”  He made his way over to the table. Rubbing his hands together, selecting a turkey leg from one of the platters.

Alex took in the new decorations and was amazed at how totally different her apartment felt now.  The place that had felt so haunted of memories of Maggie all these months took on a new, optimistic life.  She looked up to the ghost who seemed to have totally forgotten her for the moment. “So, um, not to be pushy or anything mister Christmas ghost, but aren’t we supposed to be doing something?”

He looked up from the table. “Oh, yes, quite right. Quite right!” He put his half eaten turkey leg back on the tray and licked his fingers.  “Time is short. Time is very short.  We must get going.” 

He reached his dirty hand towards Alex, who immediately recoiled.   The ghost sighed.  “Very well, take this then.”  A Santa hat appeared and hovered in the air next to Alex.

“What’s that?” Alex asked.

The ghost rolled his eyes. “Let’s call it a magic hat.”

Alex held up a hand. “Oh, no. I’m not wearing that thing.”

“Would you like to take my hand then,” the ghost asked offering up his greasy hand once more.

Alex reached out and grabbed the hat. As soon as she put it on her head the room started to spin. 

***

She felt the world stop under her feat but it took a few moments for her brain to catch up and put everything right-side up.  When she did, Alex saw a view that she’d know anywhere. She was on the roof of Kara’s apartment.  How many hours had they spent up here looking at the stars, just talking? Alex would point out the constellations and Kara would fill in the planet names, or Kara would be telling some funny story from work and Alex would laugh until her stomach hurt.

But there was no laughing tonight. Tonight, Kara was alone, leaning against the cement wall looking across the city.  She seemed out of place standing out in the cold in her red party dress, the wind buffeting her hair.    Alex wondered what she was doing away from the party.  If there had been trouble in the city she’d be wearing the S and cape. 

Alex heard the heavy roof door open and close, and one Lena Luthor walked out wrapped tightly in a long black coat.  Alex quickly shoved her Santa hat into her back pocket and followed Lena.

“I thought I might find you hiding up here,” Lena said as she approached Kara. “Texting Alex again?”

Kara didn’t turn, but answered into the night air. “No, she’s not coming.” She sighed deeply and held up the phone in her hand. “I got the text from her and… I just needed a moment.”

 “I’ll give you your privacy then.”  Lena turned to go but only took a few steps before Kara called her back.

 “Lena? Stay?”

Lena stopped, turned and walked over and joined Kara by the wall.  They stood in silence, side by side for a minute, neither woman speaking, and then Kara leaned into Lena, and Lena opened her arms and wrapped them around her pulling her in, her front pressed against Kara’s back.  With Lena’s heeled boots she was a few inches taller than Kara, and Kara leaned back into the embrace.  

They fell into each other so effortlessly that Alex noticed. “What the hell is this?” Alex said to the ghost, waving her hands to indicate the pair that were now quietly looking out over the city together.

“I thought it was obvious. You’re sister’s worried about you,” said the ghost.

“No, I got the worried part. It’s this extra comfortable part with Lena Luthor that I’m talking about.”

The ghost put his finger to his lips to hush Alex.

“I mean I knew they were friends.   But this? But this is a little too friendly, if you know what I mean.”

“Alex!” the ghost chastised.

“Yes. I know,” Alex answered, and then in a quieter voice she added, “I’m listening.”

Lena broke the silence. “I’m sorry,” she said to Kara.

 “Sorry for what? You didn’t do anything,” Kara answered.

“I just know what it feels like to have family disappoint you.”

Kara shook her head. “It isn’t like that.  Well, not exactly.  I’m more worried for _her_ than I am sad for _me._ ”

“What did she say in her text?”

“Just that she wasn’t feeling well. She’s going to bed.  That’s Alex code for she drank too much and she’s gone home to sleep it off.”

“At least you know she’s home and safe.”

“That’s something.” Kara sighed.  “I just wish she felt comfortable being here with us.  We’re her friends. She should be letting us help her through this.”

“Is this about the break-up. It’s been a few months. It’s not getting better?”

Kara shook her head.  “If anything it’s getting worse.  She’s working all the time, and when she’s not at work she’s hiding alone in her apartment or out at a bar. Whenever I try to talk to her she just brushes me off.   I know she’s hurting but whenever I bring it up she just gets angry.  I’m not sure what more I can do.”

“Sounds like you are doing everything you can.  You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help. Believe me, I know.”

“But I don’t want to give up on her.”

“Of course not. You would never.”

After another long silence Kara spoke again. “She’s done this before,” she said in a whisper, almost like she was afraid of someone overhearing. “There were a few years, before the…FBI, when she was like this. She shut me out. She shut Eliza out. She doesn’t know that I know how bad it was. She doesn’t know I know she was arrested.  She nearly threw everything away then.  And now it’s like she’s going back to that again.  I feel helpless to stop it.”

Lena pulled Kara in closer.  “I don’t know your sister well, but I know that she’s a good person and just because she’s made mistakes in the past doesn’t mean she’ll make them again. In time her heartbreak will pass… and you’ll keep being there for her until it does.”

“I hope so,” Kara answered. “It’s just been such a hard year, ya know?  I’ve lost so many people already.”

“Hey, Kara, you’ve got me.”

“I know. Thank you.”        

“Always.”Lena turned her head and kissed Kara on her temple and Kara hummed contentedly.

“That’s my line!” Alex complained.  “It should be me here, comforting Kara, not Lena Luthor.”

The ghost smiled.  “Ah, Alex.  The spirit of Christmas can burn in every heart. It can even bring people together if you let it.  Sometimes it can surprise you.  You’ve cheated yourself by not taking part in its magic. ”

The ghost pantomimed pulling on a hat and at first Alex just looked at him confused.  He did it again and this time Alex got the idea and pulled the Santa hat from her pocket.  Pulling it on, she started to spin.

***

As soon as Alex got her wits about her again she saw that they had landed in a nondescript grey hallway with recessed florescent lights. Alex would know this place anywhere; it’s the DEO. 

The ghost seemed to know where they were as well, for as soon as they got their bearings, he hurried off down the hallway humming, ‘We Need a Little Christmas,” loudly to himself.    

They stopped in front of a black door with a flashing keypad to one side. The ghost stopped and looked at Alex expectantly.

 “I can’t get us in there,” Alex said, “I don’t have access.”

The ghost rolled his eyes.  “Hat,” he said.

At first Alex squinted at him and then, realizing his meaning, she reached to her back pocket to where she had shoved the hat as soon as they landed.   When the hat was firmly on her head, the ghost grabbed Alex’s arm and pulled her through the door with him. 

Alex had only been in this office a handful of times, because it was rarely used, but she knew the man behind the desk, better than she had known her own father. 

J’onn sat in a comfortable looking black office chair, but he wasn’t alone.

“Lucy Lane?”  Alex said outloud when she saw the woman who was sitting on the other side of J’onn’s desk. 

Alex pointed accusingly. “What’s she doing here?  I thought she was out of the country. Why didn’t she tell me she was in town?”

The ghost snapped his fingers and a poinsettia appeared in his hand. He handed it to Alex and said,  “Shh, Alex. Let’s listen and find out.”

Alex, not interested gifted flower, immediately dropped it and stepped forward to sit on the edge of J’onns desk so she could see and hear everything.

Lucy was scrolling through her iPad. “So that’s the mission,” she said.

“And you’re sure the intel is good?” J’onn asked.

“As sure as we can be at this point.”

“I’d like to have Mr. Schott take a look at it. He can cross your information with some of the databases.”

Lucy tapped on the screen.  “This is really need-to-know, J’onn.  I want as few people in on this as possible.”

“I can assure you, Mr. Schott can be discreet.”

Alex snorted at that and looked over to the ghost conspiratorially, but he remained focused on the conversation.

“And I assume you’ll want Alex Danvers to head this up?”  Lucy said. 

J’onn leaned back in his chair.  “I’m not so sure Agent Danvers is our best choice.”

Lucy looked up at him from her tablet.  “Really?   I thought you’d want your best on this.”

“I do.  I’m just not sure Agent Danvers is our best right now.”

“Hum.  What’s going on there?

“She’s struggling with some… personal matters.”

Lucy scoffed, “Who isn’t? But it’s not like Alex to let personal stuff get in the way of her job.”

“Look, it’s no big deal. We can look at the roster and choose someone else.”

“No. If There’s something going on with Alex, I want to know what it is.”

“I don’t want to speak poorly of Agent Danvers.”

Lucy put the tablet down and looked up.  “She’s my friend too. Remember?”

J’onn leaned back in his chair.  “Off the record?”

Lucy clicked her tablet off. “Off the record,” she agreed.

“Alex has been…withdrawn. Moody.  Unpredictable.”

“That sounds like regular Alex. Moody and unpredictable are her baseline,” Lucy quipped.

“Hey!” Alex said, offended. 

“Shhh!” the ghost said again, exasperated.

“I just don’t trust her in the field right now.”

“Sounds serious.   Did something happen?”

“On her last mission she roughed a guy up pretty badly.”  Lucy raised her eyes at that. “More than usual,” he clarified. “You know what she did with that suspect when her dad was missing? “

Lucy nodded. “I heard she got a little too rough in an interrogation. It could happen to any of us.”

“Not everything made it into the official reports. I thought it was a onetime thing, but now it’s feeling like more of a pattern.  She’s been angry, disengaged with her co-workers, late to assignments. And then two days ago she showed up to work with alcohol on her breath.  I sent her home. Told her to take some time and clear her head.”

“How long?”

“I didn’t say. I told her she had to talk to somebody, work things out, then we could talk about her coming back.”

“So she’s on suspension.”

“Not officially, no. She just needs time.”

“You’re a good friend, J’onn.  I just hope she doesn’t disappoint you.”

J’onn looked back down at his paperwork, picking it up.  “She was my best agent, she will be again.  But for now let’s look and see who’s available for this…”

As J’onn and Lucy continued their meeting, Alex felt a deep sense of shame.  She hadn’t been her best lately.  She’d made some pretty bad calls in the name of heartbreak.  She could see that now. Above all she felt grief that she had lost the trust of one of her dearest friends.

 “Time to go,” the ghost said. He smashed the hat on her head and the world spun once again.

*****

 Alex stopped spinning in front  of a building somewhere in the city that Alex didn’t recognize.  She saw the KatCo building in the distance so she knew they were on the east side, but she didn’t know exactly where.   So many of the streets in this part of town looked alike, old cinderblock apartments with crumbling stone facing, a random liquor or drug store on the corner.   The apartment building they were facing had warm orange light radiating from many of the windows. There were a few people talking and smoking on the front steps, their breath coming out in puffs in the cold night air, and when the front door opened, the sounds of faint music came pouring out onto the street.

“This looks like a place full of Christmas cheer,” the ghost said before heading up the front steps passing the strangers who are visiting there. Alex thought of taking off her Santa hat and then thought better of it.  Best to just leave it on.  They passed through the front doors and into the entryway.    The ghost walked down the hall and Alex saw an open doorway but before they reached it, the ghost moved through another door and soon they were walking up two flights of stairs, the music growing louder with every step.  By the third flight of stairs Alex huffed, wondering outloud why they couldn’t have just appeared on the appropriate floor in the first place. Her complain was met with more belly laughter from the ghost.  The fourth floor hallway was full of party goers, some human but mostly alien.  Several  apartment doors were open and people moved freely between them, drinking and laughing while ‘Little Saint Nic’ was blaring from one of the open doors.  The ghost led them down the hallway and Alex recognized many species she knew: Durlons, Trombusans, Roltikkons. And then there were a few faces she recognized personally, people she’d seen at the alien bar.  Alex immediately knew who they would be finding here and her heart ached with the knowledge of it.

They turned into an apartment and there she was, Maggie Sawyer, standing behind a kitchen island a bottle of Aberforth’s in hand, mixing drinks and Alex felt like her chest was going to burst. She hadn’t laid eyes on Maggie for months and she was more beautiful than Alex remembered.  With Maggie’s smile all of their good times together came rushing to the forefront of Alex’s mind and once again Alex thought that she was crazy for ever letting her go.

Maggie, unaware that she was being watched, finished pouring a drink, topped the glass with a sprig of mint and slid the drink across the counter to a dark skinned man Alex didn’t recognize. 

“There you go,” she said flashing her trademark dimples,  “White Christmas Mojito. You’re going to love it.”

The man lifted his glass and thanked her and headed back into the crowd.  Maggie busily stored the bottle she’d been holding with the others on the back counter and wiped her hands on a towel and then pulled out her phone and glanced at it. 

A woman called out Maggie’s name and Alex turned to see Darla approaching.

“Mags, you’ve been behind that counter all night, come and dance with me.”

Maggie put her phone down. “No thanks, I’m not really in the mood.”

“You’re all doom and gloom these days.  I invited you to this party to have fun.”

“You invite me to this party to mix drinks and I agreed because I’m your friend. Want something?”

“Surprise me,” Darla said.   Maggie took out two glasses and reached for the bottles.   A minute later she slid something amber with a sprinkle of cinnamon on top towards her friend, who had taken a seat on one of the bar stools and then picked up the other glass for herself.

Darla sipped the drink and then hummed her approval.

“You’re damn good at this,” Darla said.  “You missed your calling Maggie.  Any time you get sick of being a cop, we could use you at the bar.”

Maggie walked around and sat on the stool next to her. “As as amazing as that career offer is, I’m going to pass.”  She held up her glass and Darla clicked glasses with her.  “Cheers.”

“Cheers,” Darla returned.

They both drank again, sitting in silence for a moment.

“Is this still about that girl you broke up with?” Dara asked

Maggie took another sip of her drink. “Alex, her name was Alex.”

“She was an idiot, you know?”

“I know.  I was too.”

Darla indicated Maggie’s phone that was sitting on the countertop. “Were you texting her just now?”

Maggie picked up the phone and slipped it in her pocket. “No, no, we aren’t talking.”

“ _You’re_ not talking, or _she’s_ not talking?”

Maggie seemed to consider her words. “Um…I’ve texted but she’s radio silent.  It’s fine.  It’s what I expected, actually.”

“Why are you doing this to yourself, Mags?  If it wasn’t working, then it wasn’t working. Cut your losses.”

Maggie smiled. “That would be the smart thing to do, wouldn’t it?”

“Damn straight.” They look at each other and chuckle over the unfortunate word choice.  “Why aren’t you?” 

Maggie looked down at her drink and swirled it a few times. “Don’t spread it around, Darla, but I’ve been talking to someone, a… a shrink, at work.”

Darla seemed surprised. “Really?”

“Yeah well, I thought I was really losing my shit, ya know?, and the department has a guy, so I went.” Maggie rubbed at her temple “I mean, what did I have to lose? I’d already lost everything.”

“Wow, never thought I’d see the day when Maggie Sawyer asked for help.”

Maggie knocked down the last of her drink. “Well, for all the hurt that Alex caused, she taught me some things too.  Anyway,  I’ve been going a couple of months now, and I’m learning a lot about myself.  Stuff I didn’t know before about why I am the way I am.”

“Sounds terrifying.”

Maggie  stood and put her glass in the sink and then grabbed her towel. “It is. But also, empowering, ya know?  Like, I don’t have to be the same person I was.  I can make different choices.”

Darla leaned into counter towards her. “So if you’re so empowered, then why are you still pining over the ex?  Maybe you need to find someone new?”

Maggie shrugged.  “Maybe.  But maybe I can make what I had with Alex new.  Maybe I can meet her in the middle when I couldn’t before.  Maybe I can see the possibility of a different future than I did. Maybe I’m not a afraid now.”

Darla drank the last of the liquid in her glass. “I don’t know.  It sounds pretty screwed up to me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, but if she makes you happy Sawyer, then you have to give it a shot.”

“I’m trying. I think It’s worth the risk. _We’re_ worth the risk.”

“That Alex is one lucky bastard.”  Darla put her glass in the sink and offered her hand to Maggie.  “Come dance with me and afterwards, if you’re lucky, I’ll teach you how to speak Russian, show this Alex person what she’s missing.

Maggie took Darla’s hand.  “One dance, but I’ll pass on the Russian. I don’t think it would work backwards like that anyway.”

Before Alex could even respond to what they had seen they went spinning, landing back in Alex’s apartment.  As soon as they arrived the ghost snapped his fingers and the jazz quartet was gone and then waved his hand and the decorations and lights disappeared.   He walked to the table and grabbed a cookie off the plate and then the rest of the food disappeared.   He took a bite of his cookie and looked at Alex with affection and maybe a little pity.   “Merry Christmas, Alex,”   He waved his hand and she felt the Santa hat was gone from her head.  With one last smile he twirled in place and was gone.

Alex was once again left alone her dark, empty apartment. This is what she had chosen, she realized, instead of being with her friends and Kara tonight.   She picked up some liquor bottles from her counter and tossed them in the trash.  This is what she’d been choosing for awhile now.   With a sigh she sat down on one of her bar stools and awaited the last chime.

 

**Part 4**

Alex didn’t have to wait long to hear the final chiming.  First one, than another, then a third chime resonated loudly in the empty space.  There was no discernible change in the room, but Alex felt someone behind her.  She turned and saw a figure there, standing in the shadows. He was dressed all in black and a black mask covered his face. 

Startled, Alex immediately reached for her firearm, but it wasn’t there.  The masked figure did not move though and did not take a threatening posture.  “Are you the ghost that I was told would be coming?” Alex asked trying to slow her heart and control the shake in her voice.

The ghost inclined his head.

“And am I to understand that you are the ghost of Christmases in the future?”

The ghost inclined his head again.

“Not one for talking much, are you.” Alex took a deep breath and flexed her hands.  “Let’s get this over with, then.”

***

A dark cloud of mist appeared around them, so thick that Alex couldn’t see anything, then just as soon as it appeared, it dissipated and Alex was once again at the DEO, but this time in the armory.

Two agents were there in basic black uniform. A woman held a tablet in her hand.  A man ran his finger along a stack of ammo boxes.

“Twenty three”  he said.

The woman entered the number in her tablet “Did you hear the news?” asked the woman.

“Yeah,” answered the man.

“Is it horrible that I feel kind of relieved?  Glock 17’s”

“No, I get you.”

“It’s terrible to say, but she was a real bitch.”

He was looking at a gun case. “She could be really hard to work with sometimes.   Fifteen.”

“Sometimes?  I never worked with her when she wasn’t a total nightmare.”

“I did.  She was the team lead on my first assignment here.  She was competent and fair.”

“Are we talking about the same person here?  Glock 19’s”

“Really,” the man confirmed. “She was a really good agent back then. Second in command.”

 “How did it happen, do you know? “

“I heard she went off on her own without back-up. Really stupid if you ask me.  Twelve.”

The woman continued to tap on her tablet. “Glock 21’s. Not surprising. I think the only reason they kept her around is because the director has a soft spot for her. How’s he taking it anyway?”

The man turned to a different cabinet. “It’s hard to tell.  He seems the same to me, but you know how he doesn’t let anything show. Ten.”

“Yeah, poor guy. So hard to be disappointed by someone you care about like that.  Glock 34’s”

“I’m sure he was used to it. At least she won’t be disappointing him anymore.”’

Before Alex could hear any more the room filled with black mist.

***

When the mist cleared they were in an apartment Alex didn’t recognize.  A tall dark haired woman dressed in pajamas was in the kitchen preparing food.  She was a stranger to Alex. “I don’t have to be into the hospital until eleven today. Scrambled okay?” she heard the woman ask.

“That would be great. Thanks,” a muffled voice answered from the next room.  A moment later, Maggie walked in the room.   Her hair was shorter, and there were a few more lines around her eyes, but it was Maggie. She’d know those dimples anywhere.  Maggie had her police jacket in one hand and she was thumbing through her phone with the other.   Maggie put her jacket on the countertop and went to sit at the kitchen table.

“It’ll be ready in a minute,” the woman called out to her.

“Perfect,” Maggie said, continuing to look at her phone.  Suddenly, Maggie gasped.

“What is it, babe?” the other woman asked.

Maggie had covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes were wide, moving back and forth across the screen.  Maggie scrolled the page up with her thumb and then back down.

“Babe?  Some bad news?”

Maggie put the phone down.   “An email from work.  They want me on funeral detail this weekend,” she said numbly.

The other woman brought the frying pan over to the table. “Really?  Do Captains usually do that sort of thing?” The woman slid part of the eggs onto Maggie’s plate.  “Maggie?”

Maggie looked up to the woman, their eyes meeting. 

“Maggie, what is it?” the woman asked, concerned.

“Um... sorry.  Yeah, I usually don’t do funerals, but this is a special case.  It’s for an agent.”

“Someone from another precinct?”

“No, she was a fed.”

“She?  Did you know her?”

Maggie took a shuttering breath.  “Yeah, Yeah, I knew her, a long time ago.”

“Oh, babe.”  The woman put down the pan and knelt before Maggie.   A tear had started down Maggie’s face and she quickly wiped it away.

The woman took Maggie’s hands in hers. “I’m so sorry. You must have been friends.”

“We were.”  Maggie wiped her eyes again and cleared her throat. “We did some... um… undercover work together. But that was awhile ago.  I haven’t seen her in years.” She wiped another tear. “I’m not sure why I’m getting so upset.”

 “It’s okay to be upset, even if it’s someone you haven’t seen in awhile.”

“I know; it just caught me by surprise.  I guess it happened a few days ago, but this is the first I’m hearing of it.”

“How did it happen, can I ask?  I haven’t seen anything in the news.”

“I have no idea. It doesn’t say in the email. When I worked with her she was doing a lot of undercover type work.”

“So when is the funeral?”

“Sunday afternoon.”

The woman sighed.  “I’ll cancel our brunch with Diana and Patty.”

“Oh, Shit. I forgot about that.  Sorry, babe.”

“It’s no big deal.  I’m sorry about your friend,” the woman said, pulling Maggie in close.  Maggie wrapped her arms around the other woman and returned her embrace.   Alex just noticed the glint of a diamond on Maggie’s left hand when the room began to fill with black mist.

***

“Do you have it?”  a man in a grey hoodie asked a large man who was standing in the shadows.

Alex looked around and she and the masked ghost were standing in an alley by a dumpster.

“Yeah, I got it.”  He handed a black duffle over to the guy in the hoddie, who proceeded to open it and look inside.  He pulled out a handgun and looked it over for a second before shoving it back in the bag. 

“Heard you had some trouble.”

The large man in the shadows stepped forward and Alex could see he was alien by the blue tint to his skin and the small horns on his forehead.   “Yeah, some bitch cop got in the way. But I took care of her.”

“Good. Good,” the other man said, handing a wad of bills over to the alien. “And you don’t look any worse for the wear.”

The alien thumbed through the bills.  “Wasn’t a big deal. She was totally alone.  No back-up or anything.  It just took a couple of punches.  I’m not even sure she was sober.” 

While both men laughed Alex turned to the ghost.  “Someone from the DEO gets killed.  I get that.  And for some reason I wasn’t there to stop it.  But what can I do? How can I stop this from happening if I don’t know who it is?” Instead of the masked man answering he just stood looking at her while the alley filled with black mist.

***

They were standing on a grassy hill in a graveyard.   Alex could see various gravestones in every direction.  She was finally going to get answers.   In the distance she saw two figures sitting on a bench.  She didn’t wait for the ghost to lead her, she just jogged over the grass, weaving around gravestones towards them.  As she approached she could see the figures sitting near a freshly dug hole in the ground.  A fresh pile of dirt and sod stood off to one side.   She circled around and was surprised to see that it was Kara and Lena sitting there.   Kara’s eyes were red and she clutched a handkerchief in her hand.  Lena had her arm over Kara’s shoulder, her other hand wrapped around her front in a sideways embrace.

“She’ll like this spot,” Kara said.

“She will,” Lena agreed.

“There’s a nice view of the city.  She’s always loved this city.”

“She’d love the gravestone you picked out too.”

Kara nodded.  “I know we’re missing drinks with Sam but can we stay a little bit longer?”

“Anything you need.”

Kara wrested her head on Lena’s shoulder.   “It’s just starting to sink in.  Ya know?” Lena didn’t answer, she just pulled Kara in closer. “I’ve seen this coming.  I’ve seen it coming for awhile, but I can’t believe it happened.  I should have been there.  I should have done more.”

Lena ran her hand through Kara’s hair. “Sweetheart, we’ve talked about this.”

“I know.  I know.  And I know it isn’t my fault. I just can’t help feeling…”  Kara let the sentence go unfinished and Lena lent in and kissed Kara’s forehead.

“It’s fine Kara. Feel whatever you have to feel right now.”

They sat for another moment, staring at the spot of ripped earth, each lost in their own thoughts.

“I couldn’t have gotten through this without you,”  Kara whispered after a long silence.

“You’ve made all the tough decisions.  I’ve just been here to hold your hand.”

“I’m not talking about this week, Lena. I’m talking about the last few years.   Ever since she… ever since things fell apart. “

“You’re giving me too much credit.”

Kara lifted up her head and looked at her.  “No, I’m not.   When she pulled away there were big empty gaps in my life.   I didn’t know how much I relied on her and then when she wasn’t there anymore I didn’t know what to do, how to go on.   But you saved me.  All those movie nights and game nights and icecream nights, maybe they weren’t a big deal to you, but they were a big deal to me.”

Lena nudged Kara, “Hey, hey.  They were important to me too.  I’m just glad you let me be there for you. And I’ll keep being there for you. Always.”

“Always,” Kara promised back. “You’re the only thing that’s keeping me going at this point. I know I can get through this with you by my side.”

The two women embraced, and held each other as their breath turned to ice in the cold winter air.

Finally Kara pulled back and wiped her eyes. “I think I’m ready to go now,” she said.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

The two women stood and, hand in hand, they walked away from the grave site down the lane towards a waiting car.

Alex turned to the masked ghost. “Who is Kara talking about?  Did one of our friends die? Was it Vasques? Lucy? Kara is obviously grieving.  I should be here with her.”Alex started to feel panicked. “Why aren’t I here? “

The ghost didn’t answer but pointed to the fresh grave site.  Alex looked between the pile of earth and the ghost several times. “Am I supposed to look at something?” she asked the ghost.  Alex walked over to the fresh hole.  At the head of the hole was something she hadn’t noticed before, a grave marker wrapped in plastic.  Alex walked over to the stone.  “Am I supposed to look at this?” she asked the ghost.  He just pointed again.   With trembling fingers Alex pulled the plastic from the grave marker and read the words “Alexandra Danvers. Beloved Daughter and Sister. You’ll always be my hero.”

Alex fell to her knees.  “No….. No. No. No. No.  It can’t be.”   She ran her fingers across the words as if she could wipe them away. She turned to look up to the masked ghost who was now standing right beside her. “That guy we saw, the alien. I would never go against someone like that without a team.  And those DEO agents, they didn’t even seem to know me.   And Kara, oh God, Kara.  I wasn’t even a part of her life anymore.   What happened to me?  What happened?” 

She was crying now.  Hot tears started to run down her face and she wiped at them angrily.  “I know I haven’t been myself since I broke up with Maggie. I know I can’t seem to get back on my feet.  I was being true to myself, at least I thought I was, but now I don’t know… I feel so… broken, and I just don’t know how to move on from this.”  

Alex crumpled to the ground the tears running freely now. She started to tremble with big, heaving breaths.  And just as she felt like she might lose all hope, she felt a warm arm fall across her shoulders.  She looked up and was surprised to see the masked ghost kneeling beside her.

She managed to calm down and slow her breathing enough to ask her final question. “I can change this, right?  I’m not destined to become that lost.  I’ve made a terrible mistake.  I don’t know if Maggie will take me back, but I can try…”

“Oh Alex,” the masked ghost said in a gravelly low voice.  He reached up and undid a clasp at the back of his neck. Then with one motion he pulled off his mask revealing the face of Jeremiah Danvers.  “This isn’t about Maggie.  This is about you.”

“Dad?” Alex gasped, her hand flying to her mouth.

“It’s me honey.”

“Dad!” Alex grabbed for him and pulled him in to her.

 He hugged her back. “I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all this, but you had to know.   You had to know so you can do better.”

Alex’s tears started to fall again.  “I’m trying, Dad. I’m really trying. I just loved Maggie so much, but I was afraid.”

“I know, baby. But this isn’t about that.  You could be happy with Maggie, it’s true, but you have a deep ability to love; you could be happy with any number of people.  Loving someone isn’t going to fix this for you.”  He reached out and touched her cheek with the back of his fingers.  “There’s a stubbornness in you, Alex.  Maybe you get it from me, or maybe it’s from the things you’ve had to go through, and I’m sorry about that.   But I’m here to warn you.  Don’t go down a dark path for all the right reasons like I did.  Don’t destroy your life mourning what could have been. You’ve always pushed people away when you’re afraid or in pain. In an effort to protect the people you love, you destroy yourself.”

Alex sniffed.  “So many people depend on me. It’s terrifying to have to depend on them.”

“But you were learning, weren’t you?  With Maggie? You were starting to turn to her, to trust her.”

“And see where that got me,” Alex said bitterly.

“I know; it’s terrifying, Alex.  But you are not alone.   You have Kara and your mom, your friends, and your coworkers.  And you’ve got me, even though I can’t be there physically with you I am always with you.”

“I.. I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to depend on people.” She looked away from him, back to her name carved in the cold stone.  “I’m broken.”

“You’re not broken, Honey.  You just haven’t learned yet that showing weakness can be strength.”

 Alex wiped the tears off her cheeks, took a deep breath and looked up at her father.  “What do I do?”

He put his hand on her shoulder. “Alex, you’ve been given a great gift tonight.  I can’t tell you exactly what to do; just take everything you’ve learned and change your life.”

Alex reached out for her father and he pulled him back into his arms. She pressed her face against his chest. “I’ll try, dad.  I promise, I will.”  He held her tight while she cried.

When Alex finally pulled away and opened her eyes she was lying in her own bed in her apartment, clutching a pillow to her chest.

 

**Part 5**

Alex pushed the pillow away and looked around her apartment. The window wasn’t shattered, there was no strange light in the room, no table of food, no black mist.  Sunlight was coming in through her windows giving her apartment a warm yellow glow.  Was it all just a dream?  Or did it really happen?  

Alex grabbed her phone.  It was 8 am, December 25th, Christmas morning.  All the visits had happened in one night! Energized, Alex rolled out of bed and started to look for her pants. As she started to pull them on she caught sight of herself in the mirror.  She was in yesterday’s shirt, her hair was standing out in every direction, and her make-up (other than what was left over from running down her cheeks in black streaks) was non-existent.    She quickly combed through her hair with her fingers which tamed it somewhat, but when she sniffed her shirt the smell of cheep whiskey and cigarettes made her nose wrinkle.  She kicked off her pants again (which she hadn’t even zipped yet) and pealed out of her shirt and under things.   Twenty minutes later she stepped out of her bathroom showered and dressed.  

 Alex threw on her leather jacket and reached in her pocket for her keys.  But instead of her keys, she pulled out a crumpled business card.  Unfolding the card she read the name and address of the councilor J’onn had told her to call before he had sent her home.  Alex smoothed out the paper, glad that the phone number was still readable.  She placed it on the table by the door and resolved to call first thing tomorrow.  

Alex’s first order was gifts.  She didn’t want to show up empty handed.  But she soon noticed, driving up and down the empty city streets, that not one shop was open on Christmas morning.   She was sure the large discount stores would be open, even on Christmas (capitalistic pigs), but they were miles out of downtown.  Almost resigned to making the extra long journey, Alex spotted a place close to Kat-Co that seemed to have life, and not just any place, Kara’s favorite place: Noonans. 

For the first time in her life, Alex found street parking right in front of the establishment she wanted to visit.  The scent of warm coffee greeted her as she entered through the double doors.  If she couldn’t arrive with presents at least she could arrive with coffee and pastries. Right?   The restaurant was empty other than one elderly man sitting alone at a table reading a newspaper and a very cross looking employee behind the counter. 

“Merry Christmas,” Alex greeted the young man, who couldn’t be older than 18.  “Got the short end of the stick this year, huh?” 

“You could say that,” the boy grumbled.  “We don’t have any cooks so you can only order off our light breakfast menu.”

Alex waved him away.  “Oh, that’s okay. I just wanted lattes and some doughnuts anyway.”

“Great,” he got out his pen and pad.   Alex ordered the lattes and then asked, “How many doughnuts do you have?”

“What kinds?” he asked, confused.

“No, I meant how _many_?”

Soon there were two hot lattes and two dozen doughnuts in flat to-go boxes sitting on the counter. 

“That will be $49.52,” the young man said.

Alex pulled out her wallet and was fishing out her credit card when she had a thought. “Hey,” she asked, “Do you sell gift cards?”

Ten minutes later Alex signed the receipt and, before picking up her packages, slid a twenty dollar bill across the counter at the young man.  “Happy holidays,” she said.  And then thinking again, she handed him another twenty. “And I’d like to pay for that gentleman’s breakfast as well,” she said indicating the elderly man sitting alone. The employee nodded and Alex grabbed the tray with her drinks and then balanced her doughnut boxes on top.  She wished the employee and the elderly man a “Very Merry Christmas” before she headed out the double doors.

***

Alex stood nervously outside of Kara’s apartment.  She checked her watch. It was nearly nine, surely Kara would be up by now; it’s Christmas morning.  

She shouldn’t have worried because within two seconds the door was thrown wide open and she found her face covered with Kara’s blond hair. 

“You came!” the owner of the hair squealed.

“I came,” Alex confirmed.  “Merry Christmas, Kara.”

“Merry Christmas, Alex!”  Kara pulled back and looked hard at Alex.  She then leaned in and sniffed.  Alex pulled back, her eyebrows wrinkled.

“Did you just smell me?”

“No,” Kara quickly answered.

“You did smell me, and not so subtly I might add.”

“Okay, maybe,” Kara confessed. “Oh, hey, did you bring me pastries?”

“You don’t have to change the subject, Kara.  I know why you did it.   But I promise you that you’ll never have to worry about that again.”

“Yeah?” Kara asked.

“Yes,” Alex confirmed.  “And I did bring you doughnuts aaaannnd a vanilla caramel latte!”

Kara clapped her hands happily together.

Alex went to hand the boxes over when she heard a noise from inside the apartment.  She looked over Kara’s shoulder and asked.  “Kara, are you hiding Lena Luthor in there?”

But instead of Lena’s, it was Winn’s face that appeared next to Kara in the doorway.  He was scratching at his scalp tiredly.  “Oh hey, Alex. Can I help you with those?”

“Lena?” Kara asked, “Why would you think I was hiding Lena in my apartment?”

“Never mind,” Alex mumbled.  “Oh, hey Winn; didn’t know you’d be here.”

Alex handed off one box to Winn and one to Kara.  “Yeah, Kara was all alone for Christmas last night, and I was too, so she offered to let me stay on the couch.”

“Well, Merry Christmas,” Alex said, handing Kara’s latte to her and then handing her own latte to Winn. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Winn protested but he took the styrofoam cup anyway.

“And I also have your Christmas presents.” She reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a stack of gift cards. “Merry Christmas, Winn,” she said handing him a card.  

“Aw, Alex, you shouldn’t have.”

And then she handed five to Kara, “Merry Christmas, Kara.”

Kara took the cards and bounced up and down.  “Gift cards to, Noonans?  Thanks Alex.”

“Yeah, thanks Alex,” Winn said less enthusiastically.

“Here, sit down and open the doughnuts, and I’ll go get the gift I have for you. It’s under the tree.”

Alex put her hand on Kara’s arm to stop her excitable sister.  “That’s great, but I can only stay a little while, I have some other stops to make this morning.”

“Oh, okay,” a tinge of disappointment in her voice.

“Are you still flying out to Mom’s this afternoon?”

“Yeah, why?” Kara asked.

“You mind taking a hitchhiker along?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.   I’d like to stay for a few days. I have a lot I need to talk about.”

Kara hugged Alex again.  “That would be amazing!” she gushed.

“Too tight,” Alex gasped.

Kara immediately let go. “Sorry.”

***

 Alex steeled herself before knocking on a door in a rundown apartment building.

The door swung open revealing an older African American gentleman.  “Happy Christmastide!” he said in greeting.

“Merry Christmas, M’yrnn,” Alex returned, giving the man a one armed hug.  She then reached into her pocket and pulled out a gift card and pressed it into his hand.

“What is it?” he asked, flipping the shiny card over in his fingers.

“It’s a gift card, you can use it to buy coffee or… uh… other food.”

“What a marvelous invention,” M’yrnn exclaimed.

“Who is it, Dad?” J’onn called from the next room.

“It’s that lovely young woman…” he looked at her, a little panicked.

“Alex,” Alex supplied in a whisper.

“Alec!” M’yrnn finished. “And she has given me a food card.”

J’onn appeared in the doorway wearing a reindeer apron, wiping his hands off on a towel. “Alex,” he said, acknowledging her.

“Hi J’onn. I’m sorry to interrupt Christmas but can we talk?”

J’onn nodded and turned to his father.  “Will you excuse us, Dad?”

“Of course.  I’ll go check on the turkey.”

“Don’t touch the stove burners again,” J’onn warned while he removed his apron and draped it on the sofa.

“Of course I won’t,” M’yrnn said, “a man can learn from his mistakes, you know.”

M’yrnn left the room and J’onn indicated a worn upholstered chair and Alex sat. J’onn sat on a coffee table facing her.

“I’m here to apologize for my behavior recently.”

Alex paused and J’onn indicated for her to continue.

“I’ve been unprofessional; I’ve let you down; but I’m here to assure you that it won’t happen any longer.  From now on I’ll be a model agent. I’ll do everything by the book.”

J’onn rubbed his hands together and looked to the floor.  “I’m sorry Alex, I’m not letting you come back to work.”

Alex reached out and put her hand on his knee.  “I’m not asking to come back to work, J’onn.  I’m going to take some time, see that councilor you recommended, spend some time with family.  I’ll come back when I’m ready.”

J’onn looked back and met her eyes, after a moment he smiled.  “You’ll be welcome when you do, Alex.”

Alex stood to go, and J’onn stood to see her out.  Before reaching for the doorknob she turned back to face him. “I _will_ earn your trust back.  I promise.

***

After several more brief stops, Alex’s pocket now contained a single gift card.  She flicked her fingertips across the edges of it as she walked down an unfamiliar hallway, to a door she didn’t know.  She looked up at the number on the door and back to the address in her phone.  Confirming it was the right place.  Alex raised her hand to knock. She paused and dropped her hand.   She pulled out the gift card and shook her head feeling like an idiot.  She headed down the hallway toward the stairs.    As she reached the stairs, she stopped and, clenching her fists, she turned around and marched back to the door.  She raised her hand to knock.  But instead of knocking she decided to check her phone one more time.  353 Birch Street number 207.   She looked up at the door.  There was a gold 207 below the peep hole.  She paced a few times back and forth in front of the door rehearsing what she wanted to say. 

Finally, a door opened.  A silver haired woman poked her head out from number 206 across the hallway. “What do you want? Why are you loitering in front of my apartment?” she demanded of Alex.  

Alex stammered for an answer.  Thinking fast Alex pulled out her phone.  “Is this 353 Birch Street?” 

“It is,” said the woman, skeptically. “What do you want?”

“I’m looking for 207,” she explained.

“Well I don’t live in 207, young lady.  I live in 206!” The old woman reached up and tapped the gold 206 on her door for emphasis.

“Oh, I see,” Alex said. “You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right!  I’m not so old that I don’t know where I live!”   And then she slammed her door.

Alex flinched at the loud noise.  She looked back at door 207 and waited. It didn’t open.  Taking a deep breath, she stepped in front of the door and raised her hand. Remembering all that she had experience the night before, she mustered all her courage and knocked three times.

A few moments passed and Alex didn’t hear any sounds coming from the apartment.   Deflated, she turned to leave.  She had only gotten a few steps when she heard the latch click. 

“Alex?”

“Hi, Maggie.”

 

\--The End--

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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